


Never Doubt

by thefallentree



Category: Actor RPF, Benedict Cumberbatch - Fandom, British Actor RPF, Sherlock (TV), Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Drama, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Love Triangles, Multi, References to Jane Austen, Romance, Sex, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Sherlock - Freeform, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-19
Updated: 2014-04-03
Packaged: 2018-01-13 00:58:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1206937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefallentree/pseuds/thefallentree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mae Winters has no idea what she's getting herself into. She's just made the biggest decision of her life, making the great leap all the way across the Atlantic to start her new life in London. Though, working at the PR firm Literary Global Strategies, isn't the only thing on her mind. An encounter with a familiar stranger in the Heathrow Airport sends her on a journey, one of which she never expected. She wants to find a man, and this man is one who only wants to love her through the crazy ups and downs of his life, and through the spirals of her own. Love is the thing that rules us all, but can  Mae let another man into her life after her terrible relationship with her ex, Andrew?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Winter's Cold Sting

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! I'm so excited that you've decided to read my story, but I'll have to warn you, this is my first time ever writing a full length fan fiction. I've got to say I hope you enjoy it. Comments, Kudos, anything is appreciated. I'll try to make updates as much as possible, but being a college student, it's really going to depend on my schedule. I'll keep you updated about my updates! Thanks so much and enjoy!

The cold night air wrapped around me like an unwanted blanket, the night was young, and there were so many things to get done before my flight tomorrow morning. I’ve always considered February the coldest month of the year, and my least favorite. It was like I was reaching for spring, but it was still unattainable. I won’t be in New York for much longer anyway. New York’s not really my real home, I hail from Pennsylvania, but a job offering last summer had me relocate to New York City. Not so bad, huh? Living in the Big Apple proved to be as crazy and fun as I expected, and my job was suited perfectly to me. I had moved in with my aunt last summer when I took the job. After I graduated college I had been working underneath the literary agent extraordinaire, Elizabeth Finner. Elizabeth was a family friend, so in truth, the job was already mine after I graduated, but I had to work just as hard as anyone else. She taught me the tricks of the trade before I moved on into the harsh reality of life, and the competitive job market. Though my second job ended in complete disaster, the company I recently made the move to was heaven. There’s just one problem, Literary Global Strategies, the PR firm I’ve been working with, has asked me to completely uproot my life and move to their London firm.

 

I’ve never really cared about moving. Really, all my childhood memories are collections of introducing myself, reintroducing myself, and reintroducing myself again. There were ten schools in total. I went to ten different schools from the age of 5 – 18. Finally, when I went to the University of Pennsylvania there was some stability in my life. I lived there for four years, but I longed for adventure. Moving was just a part of me, but I had never imagined moving to a completely different country. The idea was scary, sure, but I knew that it was for the best. If there really was some greater force out there, I knew it was urging me to make the move to London.

 

The bookstore was in sight as I rounded the corner. The soft glow it gave off was unlike any other store, and the yellow warmth filled my heart to the brim with what felt like melting wax. My breath came like smoke from my lips as I sighed and smiled. My gloved hand pushed the door open, the familiar squeak sounded on my right side, and the smell hit me, extravagant rich coffee and the crispness of paper with a hint of glue. I smiled at the couple making their way out before I made my way into the sea of stories. Shelf after shelf I browsed until I came across it. The leather bound body of an author’s best work, its gold detailing shining through the other books around it. The complete works of Jane Austen, it was perfect. I remembered reading Persuasion in high school, but there was something special about this book.

 

My debit card slid through the side of the machine easily after the clerk gave me my total. There was something so pleasurable in purchasing a story, and something even more pleasurable about purchasing a whole book of stories. It was something that you could share, and something that would never grow old. Books have always held a certain feel of familiarity for me, and a sense of home. This was going to be an easy plane ride with Jane by my side.

 

“Here you go Miss Winters,” he said as he handed me my bag.

  
“Thank you.” I smiled politely, and nodded taking the bag and making my way out of the store. The feeling of warmth immediately left my body as the cold air hit my face. I ducked my nose into my scarf hoping to retain some of the warmth that previously surrounded me. Winter would soon be over, but the winter I was so familiar with would soon be a thing of the past, and my journey would begin in the morning.

  
“Mae?” Memories flooded back as the voice I knew so well came into my ears. Oh God, not him. I quickened my pace, the heels of my flats clicking along the pavement.

  
“Mae, wait!” I could hear his footsteps getting closer and closer, and then I felt his hand on my arm. He grabbed me just a little too hard so that my whole body jerked and I was forced to face him, my bag which contained my collection of Jane came loose from my grasp and fell to the pavement.

  
I jerked away from his touch. “What do you think gives you the right to do that?” I asked raising my head and sneering up at him as I bent down to pick up my bag.

  
“Come on,” his voice was a bit ragged from his dash to reach me, “Don’t be like that. I thought you knew better than this. I thought you knew better.” There was a distinct flicker behind his eyes; the one that made me shiver inside, it frightened me. It was like something deep inside of him was coming up, but it wasn’t his soul. For what it’s worth, I don’t think he even has a soul.

  
“I- I – I just want you to go away. Get away from me.” I shoved my hands in the pockets of my coat and tried to move past a group of people utilizing a narrow part of the sidewalk I hoped he couldn’t follow on.

  
“Stop being so dramatic,” he shouted. “It wasn’t my fault we didn’t work out. It was all yours and you need to realize that.” I ignored him as I walked on against the cold, my anger building inside me.

  
The group of people who had separated us made their way into a coffee shop to their right leaving just enough room for him to catch up to me again. I knew he was there at my side again, a slight prickle, like blood spreading through a sleeping limb, caught the side of my face.

 

“Andrew, please,” I begged. “You need to leave me alone. I’m not yours to control anymore. What’s past is past. Get the fuck out of my life.”

  
He grabbed my arm again, this time with more force than before, but I managed to keep my bag in my hand. I could feel the fear welling inside me, but I kept a cool composure. Fear was something that was always easy for me to hide, and with Andrew I always made it a point to hide it.

  
“Oh, my girl, I hate that foul mouth more than anything.” He moved his face closer to mine, and I could smell it on his breath, alcohol. An alcoholic since early teenage years, but he was so good at hiding it. “Apologize to me, or you’re going to be sorry for that little slip of tongue.” His eyes were burning with anger.

  
“I’m sorry I ever thought you were worth my time.”

  
I can’t remember what happened after I said that, but all of a sudden the world was black, and there was nothing. There was ringing in my ears, and the feeling of the cold hard pavement against my face.

  
“Are you –“ The voice to my right tailed away into the dark oblivion I was in.

  
“Miss,” the voice said again, “are you okay?”

  
The darkness that surrounded me began to fade, and my vision came back. I was lying on my left side on the pavement, and there was a young Middle-Eastern man leaning down looking into my eyes.

  
“She’s opening her eyes!” He turned his head and shouted to someone I couldn’t see. “Can you get up, miss?”

  
I knew he wasn’t a paramedic, just some guy who was kind enough to help me in my time of need, and I truly was grateful. My brain was still a bit foggy, but I was coming back slowly.

  
“I think so,” I muttered, my voice a little shaky. I tried to sit up, placing most of my weight on my left forearm, but I was a little too light headed. The boy’s hands came to my shoulders and held me up just as I was about to collapse again. He was patient and waited until I gained enough strength to stand with his help.

  
“You took a really hard hit,” he said once I was on my feet. His eyes were sympathetic, but I could see he was focused on something on my cheek instead of my face.

  
“What?” I asked confused.

  
“Here,” he handed me a pack of ice he had been holding. “You might want to put that on your cheek. That guy you were talking to, he punched you. My father and I run the shop just over there, and I could see it all from our window.”

  
I pressed the icepack to my face which was noticeably sorer than it was before.

  
“I called the police,” he stated. “I didn’t know what else to do, but he ran away before I even got off the phone.”

  
All of it was too much, I couldn’t even comprehend it all, but I knew I needed to get home. I just needed to be home and finish packing before I had a mental breakdown.

  
“I need to go home,” I whispered as I began to walk away from him.

  
“Wait! Wait! I got you a cab!” He shouted, but I didn’t care. I kept walking down the street in a sort of trance. The people’s faces began to blend together, and sooner or later I didn’t even see them anymore. I could only see the sidewalk ahead of me, and the building which towered over us all. Then I was home. I was standing in front of the door to our flat, rummaging for my keys, and I knew everything was going to be okay.

  
It was late, and Aunt Katherine was already asleep, so I tiptoed quietly to my room and finished packing my things, everything still surreal.

  
The moment I hit my pillow, I was asleep, and there were no more thoughts of Andrew, of London, or of anything else for that matter. I was fully unconscious, but I was safe, and that was all that mattered.

 

* * *

I looked at myself in the passenger mirror one last time before I got out grabbing my suitcase. The bruise on the side of my face was still noticeable, despite the makeup I had put on it this morning, but it was okay, I was getting out of the city. I told Aunt Katherine the whole story over breakfast, and she was shocked. She knew that Andrew hadn’t been the best boyfriend, but she was shocked that he would hit me like that in public. It was all water under the bridge now, though, and there was nothing I could change.

  
The wheels of my suitcase rumbled over the uneven floor as I passed through the sliding doors. Mornings first light had just peaked over the horizon of the city I had come to love, but the horizon wasn’t going anywhere, it was just broadening.

  
I checked my suitcase along with an extra bag and got my ticket. Though it was only a slip of paper the weight they carried was incredible. In the palm of my hand sat the biggest and boldest decision I had ever made.

  
“Got everything?” My aunt’s voice broke through the stupor I was in.

  
“Yeah,” I smiled, “I think so. I packed most of it last night, though. I wasn’t really all there, but I hope I have everything.” Aunt Katherine’s eyes were kind, but I could see a hint of worry behind her eyes, she knew last night hadn’t been the best night for me, so she didn’t chastise me this time.

  
“Well,” she remarked, “I can always have something shipped to you if you’re in desperate need.”

  
“Thanks,” I laughed looking back down at the ticket in my hand. Time came to a standstill as the realization flooded over me again. The silence seemed to last an eternity, but only a few seconds had passed before I brought my eyes back up to her. “I’ll miss you.”

  
“Mae,” she trembled as she took me into her arms, “I’ll miss you, too.”

  
Aunt Katherine was always a bit emotional, so I expected nothing less, but what I didn’t expect was how deeply sad I felt. I always knew that this moment would come, but I had never imagined how I would react to it. The many times I played this out in my mind I could only see the things passing by me, blurry faces with the sad face of Aunt Katherine in the middle. I wrapped my arms around her dropping my carryon bag to the ground. Her hand rubbed across the back of my head, smoothing my hair.

  
“Promise me something, Mae. Promise me you’ll call me if you want to come home and I’ll have you on the first flight I can find.”

  
“Of course I will.” I blinked back my tears before the spilled out over my eyes.

  
“You’ll always have a home with me, dear. I promise.” Her voice was weak with sadness, but she was strong despite her sadness.

  
“I’ll call you every day.” I whispered. “I promise.”

  
“Don’t I believe it,” she said with a smile in her voice, releasing me from our embrace. “Just be safe.”

  
The clock behind her head came into view, and I knew that it was time for me to get going. The two hands covered each other, and came together right at 11, but it was something about it which seemed phenomenal, and something about it that seemed scary. I knew it was just my nerves getting the best of me before I got onto my flight, but there was something special about the way the world looked. It was something I had never seen before.

  
“I love you.” Her voice cracked through the air, and the weight they carried was just as much as the ticket I held in my hand.

  
“I love you, too.” She put her hand on my unbruised cheek, gently patting it before I started to make my way to airport security.

  
My first step, it was my first step towards this new life, something that I could be proud of. I could sense a change, something in the air became lighter, and the weight which the ticket held before disappeared.  I was going to become someone else, but I was still me. The sunrise was beautiful in front of me, but there was something which was embedded deeper in it, a kind of beauty, a freedom, which wasn’t there before. I was going to London. I was going on an adventure. I was free.

 

* * *

After the long plane ride, and an unsettling landing in the rainy fog of London, I was ready to go to sleep. Walking off the plane with my copy of Austen in hand, trying to find my way to baggage claim through the insanity of Heathrow, I know I must have looked like a mess. The only sleep I had gotten on the flight was an unrestful half sleep. I kept dozing in and out, stuck between a cranky middle aged woman to my left, and a young handsome Brit to my right.

  
My phone rang just as I stepped off the jet bridge. I rummaged through my purse for a bit before I finally located it. It was Margaret, my flat mate to be. We had met in college when she was studying at Penn State. I was a guide for the university back then, and that’s when Maggie and I became good friends. I slid the unlock button across the screen and answered.

  
“Hello Maggie,” I answered.

  
“Mae! It’s so good to hear from you! How was your flight?” The excitement in her voice was enough to bring me back to life. Even though I didn’t get much sleep on the plane just hearing Maggie’s voice made me feel better about everything.

  
“It was alright,” I replied. “I didn’t get much sleep, but I didn’t expect to get any, anyway.”

  
“Oh, I know how that is. After my first flight to the states I felt like a complete zombie.” We both laughed for a minute comparing our zombie-like states, mine present, hers past.

  
“Thought you might want to know the address for our flat,” she stated.

  
“Netherhall Gardens?” I asked.

  
“Yes, that’s the right one. It’s Netherhall Gardens, London, NW3. I’m almost there now, and I’ll be waiting for you there.”

  
“Super! I’m heading to get my suitcase now, but I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

  
“Can’t wait to see you!”

  
“I know! I’ll meet you there. Okay, bye.” I heard her echo her goodbyes as I hit the end button, and smiled to myself. I couldn’t wait to see Maggie again. It has been so long, and we had so much catching up to do.

  
I had almost completely forgotten about Andrew until the ache on the right side of my face came back. There would have to be an explanation for it, and Maggie had to know the story, but I wasn’t going to let it bring me down. I pushed the thought out of my mind and walked on. I found my way to the crowded baggage claim and took a place in the back of the crowd waiting for my flight details to pop up on the screen. In only a few minutes time I finally saw my flight details.

  
I made my way to the front of the crowd and watched as the suitcases filed by, each one not the one I was looking for. There were so many beautiful ones, each with a different form of artistry. Most were black, but they were pristine with clean cut edges. I could see my bag coming around the bend; it was a charcoal grey suitcase with a blue tag that had my initials on it. I made my way closer to the front patiently waiting for it to come close enough for me to grab it. I was about to make my move just before another hand reached out in front of me and grabbed it.

  
“Excuse me,” I exclaimed as the man who grabbed my bag began to make his way. “Please! Wait, you have my bag!”

  
He turned around finally, his eyebrows furrowed above his sunglasses.

  
“I’m sorry,” he apologized, his voice was so familiar, but I couldn’t quite grasp if I had ever heard it before. It was so deep and so rich. He looked down at the suitcase, and saw that the tag had my initials on it.

  
“Oh dear,” he laughed, “I’m sorry, love. I didn’t mean to grab your case.” He pushed my suitcase over to me and smiled, running one hand through his messy dark hair.

  
“No, don’t worry,” I remarked. “It’s a perfectly understandable mistake.” I beamed up at him, trying my best to look pleasant after the extremely long plane ride.

  
“Right then. Sorry again for the confusion.” He smiled at me as he stepped aside, allowing me room to pass. I nodded politely once more and made my way out of the airport. There was something about him that was too familiar, there was something about him that I recognized, but I couldn't quite place it. I tried to shrug all thoughts of the bizarre encounter on the taxi ride, but I just couldn't. I knew there was something special about him.

  
And that was where it all began. Life works in mysterious ways, ways we can’t see until we look back on our lives, and that was just the beginning of life’s mysterious journey it had planned for me.

 


	2. When Fates Collide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos on my first chapter! It's been so encouraging to see that my work is begin appreciated, and I couldn't wait to get this second chapter out there. Here are a couple of notes about the chapter that I thought you might be interested in. You can find the inspiration for Mae's party dress [here](http://www.anthropologie.com/anthro/product/clothes-dress-occasion/4130231803171.jsp?cm_sp=Grid-_-4130231803171-_-Regular_5). The inspiration for Maggie's dress is here: [here](http://www.anthropologie.com/anthro/product/clothes-dress-occasion/28929115.jsp?cm_sp=Grid-_-28929115-_-Regular_35). Here's a link to the song that I imagined Ben and Mae danced to: [Wes Montgomery's Round Midnight](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOm17yw__6U).  
> Hope you enjoy this chapter! Comment, leave kudos and you'll have a happy author!

             London began to feel like home. I had only been there a little less than a week, but I was beginning to feel extremely comfortable with the bustling city. Each morning I would go out and explore, always making sure I knew how to get to my office from anywhere in the city. With each step I took I felt like an adventurer discovering an untouched land for the first time, again and again. The beauty of it all was overwhelming, but that’s what beauty is supposed to do, overtake our sense for beauty’s sake.

             Maggie and I had gotten on swimmingly since our reunion. There was so much to catch up on, though. Not having seen her for quite a few years left a lot of time for us to chat about what’s happened since our separation. She’s graduated from Exeter with her degree in English literature, but she’s dropped it all. Originally her plan was to travel and teach, but after only a few months of teaching in Italy did she return to the United Kingdom to pursue her heart’s desire, acting. She always had a flare for the dramatic, but never a proper outlet, and now she was living her dream. Even if that meant working part-time in a posh restaurant as a waitress, and taking acting jobs whenever she could.

            She’s had quite a few successful roles in short films her friends from college have written and are having produced, though who’s to say if they’ll become famous? This week she’s starring as an extra in some independent film I didn’t catch the name of. Best of luck to her, it’s such a hard business to get into, but if anyone could do it, it had to be my determined Maggie. Anyway, she always had a backup plan from the start, and that backup plan with be with her for the rest of her life, her parents are completely and utterly filthy rich. I know they give her an allowance every week, even though she won’t admit to it, but come on, who can afford London on a waitress’ meek week to week salary?

            The rain dripped down from the gutter to the windowsill where it settled. The cold London rain was something I would have to get used to. I sat in a comfortable squishy brown armchair curled up looking out the window at our garden. In winter was nothing special, but I knew when spring came the blooms and blossoms would cover the yard. My hands, wrapped around a black mug filled to the brim with warm coffee, carefully and gently brought the mug up to my face as I inhaled the heavenly scent before I let it touch my lips. The warm liquid poured down my throat, and made me feel whole.

            Times like these were the perfect times for reading. I had my copy of Jane Austen balanced on the arm rest, and I was reading Pride and Prejudice. There was something so enthralling about the romance of Darcy and Elizabeth even though I had heard it so many times in the past. It was sheer perfection, and no other love story could compare to the romance which made me feel all warm and gooey inside.

            Halfway through the book I heard the door close front door followed by Maggie’s footsteps daintily coming down the hall. I placed my ribbon bookmark into the crease and gently closed my book placing it on the table beside me. She was wearing her standard waitressing outfit with a navy raincoat overtop, and her long blond hair was pulled back into a messy bun, some curls escaping to frame her face.

            “Well, hello there,” she beamed. “Don’t you just look comfy?”

            I smiled back at her. “I know, but it won’t last. Work starts Monday morning. I’ve only got one more day of freedom.” I sighed dramatically slouching further in the arm chair eliciting a laugh from her.

            I was ready to get started at my new job. Even though it would be pretty much the same job I had before, I would have to get used to the inner workings of the British firm. There would probably be so much to learn, but hopefully the task wouldn’t be too daunting.

            “Too bad,” she groaned. “It’s been quite a nice week for you then, yeah?”

            “Too nice,” I laughed. “Now, I’m going to have to get used to waking up early, heading out in the cold and rain, and dealing with my new coworkers.”

            “Hopefully it won’t be as bad as all that,” she joked. “Hey now,” she began to walk over to the chair to look at the right side of my face, “it looks like your bruise is going to be barely noticeable for your first day.”

            I turned my gaze back out of the window, and the feeling of lightness drained from me again. I had almost forgotten about what had happened on that last day in New York.

            “Yeah,” I whispered, my voice cracking a little. There was no real reason to be sad so quickly I put on a fake façade. “I suppose that’s a perk, right?” I smiled, but I knew it didn’t reach my eyes.

            “Oh Mae, come on, you don’t have to worry about him anymore.” She knelt down beside the chair and put her hand on my knee. “Come on now, let’s have a night of fun before you have to go to work Monday morning, and let’s leave all our troubles behind us. Sound good?” She smiled reassuringly.

            I placed my hand on top of hers. “Yeah, I think it does.”

            I had told her all about the trouble with Andrew after a few days. Initially, I lied about the bruise on my cheek, hoping she would believe it, but she was smarter than all that. She waited for me to talk about it, and in my own time I came around to telling her the whole history between Andrew and me. There was so much to tell, and unloading all that emotional baggage made me feel better for a while, but the sadness always managed to creep back into my life.

           “So,” I said letting the life come back into my eyes, “what do you have in mind for tonight?”

           “Let’s get smashed.” She was grinning from ear to ear. “There’s a party tonight, and I think it’s just what you and I need.”

           “I don’t know about that, Maggie. It’s been so long since I last went to a party. What kind of party is it anyway?”

           “Oh, come on,” she whined in a playful manner. “You know you want to go. You’ll want to go even more after I tell you what kind of party it is.” She raised her eyebrows still grinning from ear to ear

           “Don’t be so difficult.” She took my mug out of my hands, and placed in on the coffee table. Her hands replaced my mug as she pulled me onto my feet and led me to her room.

           “Maggie,” I protested to no avail, but there really was no saying no to Maggie. I suppose tonight I was going to a party, and there was nothing else I could say about it.

           “Sit,” she commanded as she sat me down on her bed facing her closet. I couldn't help laughing. This had been the best time I had had in a long time, and it was just what I needed. Maggie rifled through her closet past beautiful thing after beautiful thing until she found something which she had been searching for.

           “Ah!” She exclaimed. “This will do. Here,” she said turning towards me, “put this on, and see if it’s the right size.”

           She handed me one of the most beautiful and elegant dresses I had ever seen. It was black, but the detail was immaculate. The top was a sheer material with an overlay of lace in the pattern of delicate black vines and leaves. Over the breast portion there were close knit flower-like patterns, and the solid black material began at the skirt just below the waist. The back was even more beautiful with the same pattern of vines and leaves all the way down just a bit past the waist.

           “Oh my God,” I whispered looking at the dress as Maggie handed it to me. “This is so beautiful. Are you seriously asking me to wear this?”

           “Oh stop staring at it, and put it on. It’s not some holy artifact.” She giggled as went back to rifling through her closet. “Now, if I can just find something to wear we’ll be all set.”

           I stood up, and shimmied out of my comfortable black leggings, and my oversized long sleeve shirt. Luckily I was wearing a tan bra, and some grey panties, neither of which would show through the material. I slipped the dress over my head, and it fit like a glove. It came down just a bit past my thighs, and two inches above my knees.

           “Ah-ha, there you are!” Maggie pulled an ivory dress out of her closet which was similar to mine; only there were white polka dots on top of the sheer material. Her dress was also quite a bit shorter than mine, but it fit her personality. The two of us would be complete opposites, she with her blonde hair and ivory dress, and me with my dark brown hair and black dress. She turned around to see that I had slipped into my dress, and she smiled knowingly.

           “I knew it would fit,” she said. “Plus, you look super fit in that, and I mean _super fit._ Have you got any shoes to go with that?”

           “No,” I shook my head. “I don’t think I have anything that would even compare to this.” I ran my hands over my hips, feeling the material.

           “Alright,” she smiled. “Have a look in my closet while I get changed, and once you’ve picked a pair out come into the loo. I’ve got to do your hair and makeup.”

           “Oh God,” I sighed. “Not hair and makeup.”

           She smiled mischievously, and then she disappeared into the depths of the bathroom. I knew this was going to be a long night, but I was going to have fun, and plus who couldn’t have fun with someone like Maggie?

 

* * *

 

           The taxi came to a stop, and we had arrived. Splitting the fare came to be our decision so I paid my half and got out of the cab. We were somewhere which was somewhat secluded, but you could hear the party loud and clear from outside. The little house was up a long drive, and the details were all hard to make out, but I could tell the place was massive. The roar of voices and the sound of music filled the air. Maggie and I began walking towards the entrance together, but before we reached the door I remembered she hadn’t told me what kind of party this was, and I hadn’t thought to ask.

           “Wait a minute,” I said stopping before the door. “What kind of party is this again?”

           “Oh,” she opened her eyes a bit wider, “I’m sorry! I forgot to tell you. Silly me, must have slipped my mind. Whoops!” We had started on a bottle of wine before we left the flat, and I could tell that she had had quite a bit more than me. “Um, this party is a sort of gathering for British actors, aspiring and established.”

           “What?” I asked open mouthed. “This is a celebrity party?”

            She had already rang the doorbell before my question could be answered, and there was a tall man at the door who was holding a clipboard and a pen.

            “Names please?” He asked giving us a look of sheer boredom.

            “I’m Margaret Bristol, and this is my guest, Mae Winters.” She motioned over to me giving the man the biggest smile. He didn’t even look up as he checked her name off of the list, and moved to the side letting us pass.

            With each step the sounds became louder and louder, down the hallway we went until we reached a blurred glass door. Maggie pushed it open revealing a sea of people in a lavishly decorated room. There were nets of white gauze which hung from the ceiling in a tent like fashion, and the dim lighting made it seem surreal. There was a band playing in the background, but it wasn’t the run-of-the-mill party music, it was a lush band playing swing style music.

            I turned to look at Maggie, but she was staring at me smiling as I took it all in. There was nothing to be said in that moment. I couldn’t think of a word to say to her. The whole place was so large, the band was so loud, and the crowds of people were standing and talking, sipping wine, or dancing closer to the front. It was a fantasy, a complete and utter fantasy.

            “Come on,” she motioned for me to follow her as she made her way through the sea of people. I tried to slip around the groups of people talking as gracefully as possible in my black pumps. I was average height without my heels, but with them I felt like a giant.

           After a long journey through the seemingly endless sea of people, and a few bumps and polite apologies later the bar was insight. Maggie ordered two champagnes, and she was ready to mingle as she sipped gently on hers.

 

* * *

 

           A few guys asked me to dance, and I hadn’t spotted anyone too famous yet, at least, not anyone I recognized. There were so many people it was hard to keep track of who you had seen and who you hadn’t, and with alcohol added it was nearly impossible.

           I hadn’t been out on the dance floor nearly as much as Maggie had, and I had found a little table in the back of the room near the bar at which to sit and observe the crowd. A few people had sat down with me, just to chat, but they had all moved on. I watched as Maggie danced with a man who she had introduced me to earlier, Jack O’Connell, a young Irish actor she had starred in her most recent project with. I supposed he’d be coming home with us tonight. I laughed a little to myself, but my thought was interrupted.

           “Excuse me,” I heard a deep voice to my right say.

           I turned around so fast that I knocked over my champagne glass, and it spilled all across the table.  “Oh no,” I hissed reaching for my napkin and quickly dabbing blocking the champagne before it came off the edge of the table spilling onto my dress.

           The stranger beside me chuckled to himself a little before picking up the flute and placing it upright once again.

           “I’m sorry,” he said, as I turned to face him. “I didn’t mean to frighten you. I only wanted to ask you for a dance.” He smiled charmingly as I stood up to face him.

           “No don’t worry,” I answered. “It’s fine. It was bound to happen to me sometime tonight.”

           “What?” He asked. “Has no one asked you to dance yet? It’s such a shame to let a pretty girl like you sit alone all night.”

           “Oh!” I exclaimed, the blood rushing to my cheeks. “No, I meant I was bound to spill something.” I smiled at him laughing nervously.

           “Right,” he chuckled. “So, what do you say to that dance? Yes or no?” His smile was so sincere and the crinkles around his eyes were adorable. He had to be a bit older than me. Maybe he was in his 30’s? Though, it honestly didn’t matter to me. He was so handsome, and dressed very well. His white dress shirt fit him perfectly, and his black pants were tailored to perfection. His hair was the perfect combination of messy and put together.

           “Yes,” I said nodding my head. “Of course I’ll dance with you.” I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear that had escaped my low bun which Maggie had made look perfect.

           “May I say that you look absolutely stunning? You’re a real vision in that dress. It hugs you in all the right places.” He eyed me for a minute before bringing his gaze back to meet mine. I tried my best to keep my breathing even, and hoped that I was doing a good job.

           He extended his hand to me, and I politely took it. He led me onto the dance floor as the band started playing a slow melodic song. It was slow and jazzy, not like what they had been playing at the beginning of the night which was more upbeat.

           The handsome stranger spun me around, and put his hand on my waist and I put my hand on his shoulder. We began to sway to the music, and I took his lead. Maybe it was the champagne, but to me, he was a great dancer, and being out on the dance floor in such close proximity made me even more attracted to him.

           He leaned forward, near my ear, pulling our bodies closer together.

           “What’s your name?” He asked. His voice was gentle, but clear due to how close we were dancing. The roar of the room seemed dull compared to his voice.

           “My name is Mae,” I responded. “Mae Winters.” I took in a deep breath, and I was filled with the scent of him. There was a heavy clean smell which surrounded him, like fresh woodchips, like cedar.

           “That’s a lovely name. If you don’t mind my asking, where are you from, Mae?”

           I took another breath before answering. “I’m from New York. I just moved here last week.”

           “Oh,” he said, still swaying with me to the gentle melodic music. “Wait a minute.” He pulled his head back so he could look at my face again. “I know you,” he said.

           “You do?” I asked. I furrowed my brows in puzzlement. I knew his face from somewhere, but I just assumed maybe he’d been on a commercial I had seen in the past week or something. I knew this was an event for actors so I just assumed that he had made a mistake and thought I was an actor.

           “Heathrow,” he said. Then that was when it all came back. “I took your bag by mistake.” He smiled at me, bringing those kind wrinkles to the corners of his eyes again.

           I was shocked. What were the odds of meeting this man again? I knew there was something familiar about him when I saw him, but I suppose that same feeling of familiarity came back from the day I saw him in Heathrow. Though, when I saw him in Heathrow I knew I knew him from somewhere even then.

           “What’s your name?” I asked, a genuine look of curiosity in my eyes.

           “My name’s Ben, Benedict Cumberbatch.”

           The song played on in the background, but I couldn’t hear it anymore. I knew I had known this man from somewhere, but the place was unclear, and now I know exactly where I had seen him before. I had seen him on TV and in movies, he was Benedict Cumberbatch.

           “I knew I recognized you that day in Heathrow,” I beamed. “I just couldn’t quite place you. Maybe it was the jetlag or the normality of it all.” He laughed a little, still grinning.

           “Perhaps it was all of it, but what luck I have had running into you again like this. I didn’t know you were an actress.”

           “Oh,” I shook my head. “I’m not. I came here with my friend Margaret Bristol tonight. She’s the actress.” Ben nodded, but leaned back in closer so our cheeks were touching.

           “I would have expected one as pretty as you to be an actress.”

           I smiled a bit, trying to remain calm, but my heart was pounding. I had never felt this way in my whole life, except for maybe when I was in high school. It all felt so teenage, but don’t they always say that love is supposed to make us feel young?

           The song was coming to a close, and the party was almost over. I knew it was late, but I couldn’t remember what time it was anymore, nothing seemed to matter, but everything did matter at the same time.

           We were nearing the end of the song, and I thought Ben would have let me go, but the champagne mixed with the sexual tension of the situation made me go a bit limp, so he held on a bit longer. I could tell Ben had been drinking too. The deep and smoky scent of whiskey was on him.

           “Now before I let you go,” he whispered. “I need you to promise me something, love.”

           “Okay,” I whispered back. “Anything.” The end was drawing near, and the song was almost over, and so was our dance. I waited in anticipation for his request.

           “I want you to promise that I can take you out again.”

           “Yes, of course.” I didn’t want this moment to be over, but it was ending, and he pulled away from me to look at my face again.

           “Tell me your number, and I’ll remember it. I wouldn’t forget a single digit if it meant that I would never be able to find you again.”

           I quickly recited my number to him, before he gave my hand a squeeze, and was about to go. He looked me up and down one more time before saying goodnight. I turned and made my way back to my table in the corner waiting for a very drunk Maggie and Jack.

           I could still hear the way he said my name, and that deep cedar scent which made my mouth water. Benedict Cumberbatch. I couldn’t wait to see him again.


	3. A Text Message

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry since it's been so long since I last updated, but I really wanted this next chapter to be good, plus my life has been absolutely hectic. So many exams and quizzes. Ugh. College is brutal, and being an English major on top of all the writing there are a ton of books to read. Oh well, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I'm going to try and update again as soon as I can! Sorry if it's a little short. Tell me what you think, and leave kudos! :)

            I woke up Monday morning feeling unrested. There was a weariness in my bones since the night of the party that just wouldn’t dissipate no matter how much I tried to push thoughts of Ben from my mind. I found myself wondering if he had maybe forgotten my number, or maybe forgotten about me entirely. It was two nights ago...I tossed and turned hoping that I would receive a text message from him, or maybe even get a late night call, but there was nothing. Be patient, I told myself, over and over again. You’ve got a long day ahead of you, and you need to be entirely focused on work.

            The pavement was beneath my feet this morning, and I was heading to work. There was a bit of sunshine popping out from behind the clouds today, perhaps it was an early promise of a fortuitous spring? I sure hope so. I was rounding the corner nearing the Global Literary Strategies building, and I knew I had to get a grip on reality. My heart was pounding, I could feel the color draining from my face, and there was a slight tremble in my hand, but I took a deep breath, and let go of all my tension on the exhale. In this moment, Benedict was the last thing on my mind, and I was glad. I always tended to obsess over men, and a long day of work would hopefully remedy my fever.

            I pushed open the glass door, and found myself in the middle of a lobby. There was a small reception desk and a woman in her fifties sitting behind it. I smiled politely as I approached, and asked her where I could find the floor I needed to go to, to which she told me floor five. I walked away towards the elevator which was in the right side of the room, and found myself cramming into the elevator along with seven other people.

            The doors opened to reveal a small information desk with a young lady sitting behind it. She was maybe a bit older than me, but she was very pretty.

            “Yes,” she said smiling. “What can I do for you today?” I approached the desk and smiled politely at her.

            “My name is Mae Winters. I’m starting work here today.” I extended my hand to her for a handshake. She took my hand and shook it enthusiastically.

            “Miss Winters,” she exclaimed. “It’s so nice to finally meet you. I heard you were coming. Dan Peters told me all about you. Transferring from our firm in New York, yeah?”

            “Yes,” I replied as she came around the desk and began to lead me deeper into the office. “It’s so wonderful to be here. It’s like a breath of fresh air.” She laughed politely.

             “I’m quite sure.” We approached a door which had a plaque signifying that this was, in fact, the office of a Mr. D. Peters.  My escort opened the door and announced my arrival. A tall man with graying dark hair stood up.

            “Mae Winters,” he walked towards me with his hand held in front of him. I took it and gave him a firm handshake. “It’s quite nice to meet you at long last.”

            “Mister Peters,” I smiled, “it’s so nice to finally meet you too.”

            “Please,” he said, “call me Dan. Most everyone does. Don’t know how I get any of them to respect me around her.” He nudged the young lady who had walked me in and she giggled before exiting the room.

            Dan showed me around the office. There were tons of small rooms each leading to someone hard at work. There were a handful of people I was introduced to, most of which I can’t remember the names of already. Finally as we rounded back near the front desk he led me into a small office with a mahogany desk, and the back wall was one large window.

            “This,” he said gesturing grandiosely to the desk, “is your office. I hope it’s comfortable. You’re going to be heading up our marketing design team. I was told this is what you did in the American firm?” I nodded my head.

            “Good,” he beamed. “I’ve put some simple tasks for you to get started on onto a list. I’ve pinned it to the board beside your desk. If you’ve got any questions find Camille, she’s next door. I’ve got to pop back to my office, but I’m truly glad to have you here, Mae.”

             “Thank you so much,” I said as he made his way out the doorway.

            I stood alone in a strange place which I knew would become too familiar to me, but the office was cozy enough, and most of my coworkers seemed quite amiable, indeed. I sat down behind my desk and looked over at the list on the wall to begin my work.

_Buzz Buzz_

            My phone was going off in my purse which I had just sat down beside me on my desk. “Oh shit,” I whispered. I bit my lip wondering if I should dare look at it or wait until lunch. I didn’t want to be caught using my phone in the first 10 minutes of starting my job, but I really wanted to know if it was Benedict or not.

            Without thinking I plunged my hand into my purse and finally when I grasped it –

            “Mae?” Dan popped his head into my door way. “Are you sure you don’t need anything?”

            I dropped my phone and instead went for a pen which was luckily sitting beside it. _Whew_ , I thought.

            “No, I think I’m going to be fine.” I smiled reassuringly at him as he made his way back down the hall. It looks like it’s going to be a long time until lunch…

 

* * *

 

 

             It was nearly 1 and I was typing the last few lines of a proposal which was to be faxed to the firm in Glasgow. The immense suspense had been eating away at me all morning. I just had to know if it as him. I had to know if he had finally texted me. I pulled my phone from my purse and began to make my way down to the employee cafeteria. I saw a text from an unrecognized number and my heart began to beat. It could be him.

            I placed my phone back into my purse as I grabbed my lunch, a small salad with an apple and a bottle of water. I made my way back to my office with my things before anyone could stop me to talk. I had one thing on my mind and I would rather be in the privacy of my own office. I shut the door behind me and placed my food down on the desk.

            My phone was back in the palm of my hand. I slid the unlock key gently across the screen and a message popped up which read:

**Sorry I didn’t text you sooner. Hangover. Had a little too much to drink at the party. How about I take you out to dinner tonight to make up for it? –Ben**

            I could feel my heart rate accelerating. I had to respond. It was already 1 and I’m sure he would need to know in time to plan around me. Quickly I typed.

**I get off work around six this evening. What time were you thinking about having dinner?**

            I placed my phone beside the plastic tray which held my salad and began to eat my eyes were glued to the phone waiting for a response. It buzzed not only two bites later.

**How about 8? A light dinner & then wine at my place? Sorry to be so hasty. I just wanted to see you again.**

            I thought for a minute how to respond. Light dinner and wine at his place. I wanted to know exactly what it meant. What does a light dinner entail? What about him inviting me to his place? What does it all mean? It was adorable that he wanted to see me again so soon. I suppose he had been thinking about me? I pushed these thoughts from my mind as I typed my response.

**Sounds perfect. Where will we be dining? Black-tie affair?** **:)**

            I finished my salad when he finally responded.

**Casual. & don’t worry about the address. I’ll pick you up. What’s your address? :)**

 

* * *

 

 

            I looked at myself in the mirror one last time making sure that I looked perfect. I was wearing a tight fitting black blouse with quarter length sleeves. A crème colored scarf was wrapped around my neck. My jeans were dark but faded slightly on the fronts, and I was sporting a pair of black flats with a slight heel on them. Nothing too drastic, but it was enough to make me look presentable. I left my dark hair hanging down. It was quite long, but it looked quite good tonight, slightly curly. I had on dark eye makeup which made the blue in my eyes stand out. I walked out of my room and presented myself to Maggie.

            “Holy shit!” She stood up and looked me up and down. “You look gorgeous! I really can’t believe you’re already going out on a date. I mean, look at you. You’re sexy!”

I laughed and made my best seductive face which was quite laughable. “Do you think he’ll be able to resist me?” Maggie couldn’t help it; she burst into a fit of laughter.

            “Oh I know he won’t be able to resist you.” She came closer and moved a bit of stray hair which had fallen to the wrong side of my part. “There you go,” she laughed as she moved it back into place. “So, who is it you’re going out with again? I didn’t catch his name.”

            “His name is Ben,” I answered shyly. I hadn’t told her that I would be going out on a date with Benedict Cumberbatch, and I didn’t know if it was wise truthfully, but I suppose I would have to tell her soon. It was quarter until eight and he would be knocking on our door shortly.

            “Ooh, Ben,” she said playfully. “You said you met him at the party Saturday night, yeah?”

            “I did,” I muttered. “We danced once and he asked for my number. Um, Maggie, maybe there’s something I should tell you…” I trailed off looking down at my hands.

            “What is it?” She looked at me and I could tell she was worried.

            “Oh, it’s nothing. Um, maybe it would be best if you stayed in the kitchen or something when he gets here?”

            “Don’t want him to know you’ve got a roommate, huh?” she laughed. “Don’t worry. I know how these things go. I’ll stand in the kitchen out of sight, but I won’t promise that I won’t listen in.” She winked at me before making her way back to the sofa.

            I sat down beside her and we chatted for a bit, nothing of importance, and slightly paid attention to the news report which gently hummed in the background. We just got onto the subject of Andrew when I heard the doorbell ringing down the hall.

            “That’ll be him!” She said excitedly as she made her way to the kitchen, cracking the door so she could still hear what was going on. “Good luck, Mae.” I heard her whisper as I made my way down the hall grabbing my charcoal coat from the coat rack.

            “I’ll be back soon,” I whispered back at her.

            I calmly approached the door placing my hand on the knob waiting to turn it. I took a deep breath before turning the knob to open. The door creaked open gently to reveal Ben standing there on my step. I smiled at him as I opened the door.

            “Hi,” he greeted me, his hands stuffed in his pockets.

            “Hi,” I replied. “It’s so nice to see you again.”

            “It’s lovely to see you, too.” His eyes swept over my face and it was almost like I could feel them wherever he looked. It was actually quite embarrassing on my half. I’m sure he could tell I was feeling a bit nervous, but I was picking that vibe up from him as well.

            “You look very beautiful.” He smiled at me, his eyes crinkling in the corner.

            I took this moment to scan him over. He was wearing a dark grey V-neck t-shirt with a black cardigan over it. He wasn’t wearing a coat, but I’m assuming he had left one in the car perhaps. It was quite cold outside. He was wearing jeans similar to mine and he had on a pair of nice black shoes. His hair was combed back, and it made him look positively handsome.

            “Thank you.” I stared at him for a bit before realizing that what I was doing was probably obviously awkward, but time just seemed to pass differently in that moment.  There was something heavy in the air, and I knew it was special. It had been so long since I had last felt anything like it that the feeling was almost new again.

            “Shall we go?” He turned and motioned to his car, his keys still in his hand.

            “Yes, of course,” I said, stepping over the threshold and closing the door gently behind me. We walked together down to his car which was parked alongside the sidewalk. It was a very nice black car. I’m not one to know what make or model a car is, so in my book it was a nice car.

            I made my way over to the passenger side only to be followed by Benedict. He opened my door for me allowing me to get in easily. We smiled at each other, no words to be had. His door popped open and he was inside starting the car.

            “So where are you taking me?” I asked looking over at him.

            “Somewhere special,” he smiled over at me.  Maneuvering the car back on course and we drove down the street, and I was happy. This was really our first official date, and it was lovely. Everything was lovely.


	4. Wine and Dine me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! I wrote this late at night so there's bound to be some errors, but hey, who's really counting? Thanks so much for reading! Means a lot. :) Kudos is much appreciated.

            We were sitting in a dimly lit corner of a little hole in the wall somewhere in East London. The waitress had already come and asked us what we would like, but now we were playing the waiting game. We sat opposite one another, his arms crossed in front of him on the table as he leaned slightly towards me. Most of the tables around us were empty and it was surprisingly quiet. Really, there hadn’t been anyone around when we made our way into the quaint little place, a bit surprising to me, considering I was with Benedict Cumberbatch.

            “So,” he smiled, looking down for a moment, “I’m so sorry for this impromptu date tonight. It’s just been…It was so nice the other night, yeah, um…” I laughed a little in response shrugging off my jacket and arranging it on the back of my chair.

            “It was a nice night,” I agreed, “quite nice, indeed. I was a bit surprised when you texted me.” It was true; I did wonder what a man like him would want with someone like me. I was just Mae Winters. I wasn’t someone who was famous, but someone who had a terrible scarring past with love and who wasn’t particularly beautiful.

            “I couldn’t forget your face,” he stated quite plainly. “I just couldn’t stop thinking about you after that night. It’s absolutely horrendous sounding when it’s put like that. It’s almost as if we’re in some terribly cliché romantic comedy.” We laughed a little together.

            “I know how you feel,” I replied. “There’s nothing as terrible as not being able to find the words with which you wish to convey your feelings. Sometimes our feelings are simply as cheesy as we’ve been led to believe.” Benedict’s smile grew wider, and the waitress was rounding the corner with our wine. She politely placed the glasses on the table and left the bottle with us.

            “Well,” he said picking up his glass, “shall we drink to hackneyed feelings?” He raised his glass slightly and brought it to the center of the table.

            “We shall.” I tapped my glass gently against his creating that familiar class on glass sound. I brought the wine glass to my lips and tasted the sweet smoky taste of the Merlot.  I swallowed a bit beginning to feel at ease.

            “Wow,” Benedict said, lowering the glass from his lips. “That’s great. Though I only pretend to be a wine connoisseur, really anything with alcohol in it is enough for me.”

            “Here’s to that,” I said raising the glass to my lips and taking another drink.

            “I’ve had many first dates with women, but never one I’ve been _this_ nervous on.” He took a large gulp of wine.

            “Oh, really,” I inquired. “I suppose I’m different from most women then? Should I be flattered or should I be scared for the outcome of tonight?”

            “Different from most women? Maybe not anatomically, but yes, any woman I’ve shown any interest in. There’s something quite straightforward about you, and I like it. Though I suppose you should feel flattered. I do hope you don’t think I’m just trying to get you in bed.”

            “It seems that that’s the thing on most men’s minds.” I raised an eyebrow. “Perhaps you can prove me wrong?”

            “Oh,” he said, taking a sip. “Don’t get me wrong, I would love to have you in my bed.” His words went straight between my legs. I couldn’t help but feel a little twinge of excitement, but I knew sleeping with him tonight wouldn’t be the way to go.

            “Is that so?” I asked, keeping my voice as steady as I could. 

            “I’m afraid it is, Mae.” He smiled at me, placing his glass on the table. “What’s between a woman’s legs is an enigma, and esoteric enigma which is meant to be solved by the right man. I would love to solve your puzzle just to pull it apart and put it back together.”

            I felt my heartbeat racing and the pain in between my legs growing stronger. This man knew what he was doing. He had to know how his words made me feel, but I couldn’t help but think that it was the wine beginning to talk. He had already finished one glass, and his eyes were growing darker. I needed to catch up; maybe I should just let it all go tonight. It’s going to be so hard to refuse if it comes down to it.

            Another large sip of my wine and the glass was half empty.

            “Let’s not be so frank about the subject, Benedict. I would prefer it to be left a mystery until the time comes.”

            I was playing it cool. I was trying to keep it together, and not to let him see how much he was affecting me.

            “A coy girl,” he whispered. “I like that.”

            The waitress came back with a plate with a loaf of bread and butter. She informed us that our meals would be out shortly. The conversation had taken such an abrupt turn that I was a little bit shocked. Seeing our waitress had taken me out of the whole thrill of it all, and I couldn’t even believe it had happened. As she walked around the corner into the darkness of the dimly lit restaurant I turned my attention back to Benedict, waiting for him to begin the conversation again.

            “I’m sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable,” he said after she was out of earshot. “Have I?” He looked at me a bit concerned, but that darkness still lingered behind his eyes. A deep carnal flame which wouldn’t seem to extinguish, and grew stronger with each sip of wine.

            “Well,” I said looking down at my lap, “it’s very straightforward.” I looked up and laughed a little, exhaling awkwardly. “I’ve never been with a man who’s stated his intentions so clearly on our first date.”

            “It’s just I find you very attractive, Mae, and I want you to know that.” He began to pour himself another glass of wine. “I’ve got an awkward history with dating, and I’ve found that it’s best to be straightforward.” I took in a sharp breath.

            “It’s a bit intimidating,” I said truthfully. “It’s terribly intimidating. Being associated with carnal desire and pleasures of the flesh has never been an identity I’ve associated myself with. I just can’t…” I trailed off trying to find the proper words.

            “You just can’t find the reason why I would find you sexually attractive?” He asked raising his eyebrows, slightly wrinkling his forehead.

            “Perhaps,” I nodded swallowing some more wine, and finishing my first glass.

            “Would you like some more,” he asked picking up the bottle and pouring me more without my answer.

            “Perhaps I just find it intimidating because my last boyfriend was lousy,” I muttered. “It’s just sex was never a defining part of our relationship, and it never was interesting to me.”

            “So,” he said laughing a little and sitting back in his chair. “He was rubbish in the sack was he?” He laughed a little more before leaning forward and picking up his glass again.

            “Yes,” I stated, nodding my head again. “He really was.” Andrew had a different idea from a sexual experience than I did. I didn’t particularly want to think about it in this moment though. It wasn’t the time to be bothered by him again.

            “Well,” Benedict said “I promise with me it will be different should you come to experience it.”

            I could feel my insides twisting again. I knew that he was playing with me, and I wanted him. I let some of the want seep through my eyes, and hoped he would be in tune enough to catch it. Our eyes met for a moment across the table, and I felt it. There was some sort of connection between the two of us, and it made me nervous. My heart was beating faster than it had ever beaten before.

            “I promise you, Mae. I’ll take care of you.” His voice was low and gravely, it was far deeper than it had been all night, and God I wanted him.

            If I could have I would have pushed the table aside and taken him right there. There was something about him that had grown more and more attractive. I wanted to straddle him and look deeply into his eyes as I had him right then and there. Fuck, what was I even thinking.

 _Maybe it was the wine? Yes, probably the wine. Keep your head, Mae._ I thought, bringing my gaze back to my wine and drinking a little more.

            The waitress rounded the corner with our dishes in hand. Thank God. This sexual tension was getting to be too much for me, and it needed some sort of buffer. The pasta I ordered looked absolutely wonderful. I couldn’t wait to bite into it, and try and shrug off the thoughts I had previously had. There was just some sort of chemistry there.

 

 

* * *

 

 

            We had finished our meals and we were standing in front of the door to his flat. I couldn’t help but be self-conscious. Was I taking this too fast? Should I have agreed to have wine at his place? Oh dear God, the thoughts wouldn’t stop coming, but I was already here, and there was no stopping it. We had had quite a bit of wine at dinner, and I was feeling slightly buzzed. Not quite drunk, but just happily buzzed.

            He turned the key, and opened the door to his flat gesturing for me to go in. I stepped through a bit and waited for him to follow. The flat was dark, and I didn’t know where the light switch was.

            “Here,” he said stepping in front of me to the right a little. A clicking sound to the right followed by a series of lights illuminated the large flat. It was a very open space, the kitchen and living room together with sliding glass doors which led out onto a small balcony. I smiled at him as he walked ahead of me and I followed.

            “It’s not much, but its home. Too cliché?” He laughed a little and made his way into the kitchen area which was to the left. I followed behind him, and saw he was going for a cabinet above the stove.

            “What would you like to drink?” He turned and smiled at me. “I’ve got just about anything that you can imagine. Wine was mentioned, but you can have anything you want.”

            “Oh really,” I asked incredulously, “Is that so? Hmm…I suppose I’ll have whatever you’re having.”

            “Are you sure, love? Think you can handle it?” He pulled a bottle of whiskey from the cabinet and placed it on the counter going over to the cabinet to grab two glasses.

            “I’m sure I can,” I answered. “I like just about anything, really.”

            “I’m sure,” he laughed unscrewing the cap of the bottle and pouring a sizeable amount into the glasses. “How about we make this interesting?” He handed me a glass.

            “Interesting, how so?” I brought the glass to my lips just taking in the deep musky smell.

            “Let’s make this into a game.” He smiled a bit at me, a sparkle behind his eyes. “If I can guess something about your character, you drink. If I get it wrong, I drink.”

            “Seems harmless enough, Benedict.” I suppose this game was harmless, but truthfully I was a little bit scared of it. It was an interesting proposal, and I didn’t particularly want to say no, so instead I agreed. “Let’s sit down somewhere more comfortable.” He nodded and led us to his living room area.

            He motioned to a loveseat which sat behind a dark wooden coffee table. I placed my glass down atop the table, and shrugged my jacket off, placing it in the armchair beside the loveseat. I sat down bringing my knees up and tucking them by my side so I could face him.

            His legs were placed the traditional way, but his arm rested on the back of the couch and his glass rested in the other hand. He looked at ease.

            “Shall we begin?” He asked bringing his glass up to tap mine. I clinked mine against his and smiled a bit nodding.

            “I’ll go first.” He looked at me quizzically, his brow furrowing. “You’ve never stayed in one place for too long. You’ve got the look of a traveler about you.”

            “You’re right.” I brought my glass up to my lips and drained the whiskey. It was so smooth going down, but so hot, like liquid gold. I opened my eyes again and looked at him.

            “Your turn,” he stated.

            “You had a childhood dog that you loved fully and completely.” I looked at him waiting for his response and I saw the glass come up to his lips, and he drank. He refilled both of our glasses after he swallowed, and looked back at me again.

            “You’ve never been close with your parents.”

            I looked down at the glass and took another drink. I started to really feel the effects of it all, the wine at dinner and now the whiskey. I cleared my head. I could hold myself together.

            “You’re thinking about sex right now.”

            He took a drink. “Wow,” he winced as the drink went down, “you’re pretty good at this game.” I laughed a bit. Refill.

            “Perhaps, I am.” I raised my eyebrow and laughed a little bit.

            He laughed with me, but it didn’t take long and his eyes were raking me again. I could sense something a little bit darker in his eyes than before. He stared me up and down. Our eyes were locked for only a second before his eyes trailed across my collarbone, resting on my breasts for a moment and moving down to my waist. I felt completely naked.

            “You’re afraid of being intimate with me tonight.” He smirked a little at me waiting for my response.

            Should I drink or should I lie and not drink. I didn’t raise the glass to my lips, but he knew it.

            “Don’t lie, love,” he said his voice deep and gravelly. His eyes watched me intently waiting for me to drink. Sheepishly, I raised the glass to my lips and threw it back swallowing the contents. Shit, I felt so embarrassed.

            “Good girl,” he growled. “Now, your turn.” He moved a little closer to me so that his arm which rested on the back of the couch could reach out and touch me had it not been supporting his head.

            “You know you’re making me nervous, and you’re enjoying it.” I whispered.

            He laughed, rumbling deep in his throat before draining the glass. Another refill.

            “I am enjoying this,” he muttered, moving his hand from his head to the side of my face, and gently stroking it, moving a strand of my hair behind my ear. My breaths were shallow, and with every stroke my heart began to race faster and faster. “Aren’t you, love?” He placed his glass on the coffee table.

            “Yes,” I breathed as he moved closer to my face. He took the glass that was in my hand and placed it beside his. Our eyes were locked and the knot just below my navel was beginning to coil up tight.  His hand stopped stroking my face and cupped it now. His palm covered my cheek and his thumb made gentle movements atop my cheekbone.

            “Kiss me,” I whispered.

            His lips were on mine, and the moment was pure bliss. I was breathing him, and he was breathing me. His lips moved harshly against my own, in a frantic almost erratic way that was completely brash and bold. He tasted just as I knew he would, but that deep scent of cedar lay underneath the mask of alcohol.

            My lips encased his bottom lip, and it felt good to have some power. I slowly and painfully kissed him, but I knew it wasn’t what he wanted. I wanted to tease him. I playfully put his lip between my teeth, but didn’t bite down releasing him without a scratch. He groaned into my mouth.

            “Stop teasing me,” he muttered against my lips. “That’s my job.”

            He began to push me backwards so I would submit to him. I didn’t lean back and give in to what he wanted.  He couldn’t have me so easily. He conceded, but his hand, which wasn’t cupping my face, moved to my hip, and began to travel up towards my breasts.

            “Don’t try and fight me,” he mumbled, and smiled a little as he pushed me back again.

 

            _“Don’t try and fight me, Mae. There’s no use. You stupid bitch.”_

_“Please, just get out of here. Please, just leave me alone.”_

_“There’s no use in crying, you fucking cunt.”_

_“Andrew, just – no – no, no, no. Please don’t – not again.”_

            I pushed him off me as hard as I could, and stood up, horrified. The look on his face was completely wrong. No, he wasn’t. No he wasn’t Andrew. He was Ben. Holy shit, no.

            “Shit,” I whispered. “No, no, no, no.” I could feel the tears burning behind my eyes, and my throat becoming constricted and tight.

            “What’s wrong?” He stood up, and began to come closer to me.

            “DON’T TOUCH ME,” I screamed; backing away into an end table beside the armchair I had placed my coat in. I heard a crashing noise and the lamp which was on the table had fallen to the ground.

            “Just tell me what’s wrong, Mae,” He begged and he approached me slowly.

            “I want to go home,” I whispered. “Please, take me home.”

            Everything just seemed so fucked up, and wrong. It was all distorted, and I needed to be away from it all. There were so many things I needed to think about, and reassess, and maybe this was all moving too fast for me.

            “Let me help you get your coat on,” He moved beside me, and picked up my coat. He held it up for me to put my arms through. The sobs were shaking through my body, and I felt cold. I complied though. I put my arms through the arm holes, and wrapped the familiar garment around my body.

            “Come now, love.” He put his arm around my shoulder, and suddenly everything started to feel a little bit better. “We don’t have to talk about it.” His voice was gentle and reassuring as he led me from his flat, but the deep sobs just wouldn’t seem to stop. They felt like earthquakes, each one of them.

            He walked me to his car and opened the passenger door, and tucked me into my seat. He knelt down beside me and took both of my hands.

            “Look at me, Mae. Please, just look at me. Everything’s going to be okay. Okay?” I nodded, but the tears still flowed down my cheeks. They were silent tears now. I closed my eyes, and took a deep breath, but nothing seemed to help. I just kept my eyes closed, hoping to drown it all out.

 

* * *

 

          

            “Mae,” he whispered, gently shaking me. “Give me the keys to your flat. I’ll help you inside.”

            I awoke feeling groggy rummaging through my pockets to find the keys to my flat. After a minute they were in my hand. I offered them to Ben who took them. The blackness began to slip around me again, but his arms were around me before I could fall asleep.

            He had lifted me from the car and was carrying me to my front door. Familiar sounds surrounded me: the steadiness of Benedict’s breathing, the sound of my keys jingling and the creaking of the door opening.  

            “Where’s your room,” he whispered.

            I gave him directions, and soon enough we were there. He gently took my shoes off and put me into bed. That’s all I remember. That’s the last thing I remember. There was just blackness after that, a deep and all-consuming blackness, but it was a kind darkness. A darkness I welcomed.  

            


End file.
